How to Cope When Expectations Don’t Match Reality
If this year didn't turn out the way you hoped, you're not alone. Here's permission to let it be imperfect, hold onto the messy moments, and give yourself grace as the year ends.
Posted 12/11/2025
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First off, huge congrats to you, parents! Whether you’re still counting down the days until your sweet baby’s arrival or you’re already knee-deep in newborn snuggles and diapers, this is such a special time. Right now, you may be in full-on planning mode—setting up the crib, folding impossibly tiny onesies, installing the car seat (why oh why, must it be SO complicated?!), and making sure every little detail is ready for your baby’s big debut. Or maybe you’re already in the thick of it, running on coffee and catnaps, soaking in those sleepy smiles while wondering if you’ll ever eat a hot meal again. (Spoiler: You will! Not today, but someday.)
The Year That Wasn't What You Expected (And That’s Ok)
It’s normal to feel disappointed that things didn’t go as planned. BUT—here's the thing: so many good things happened this year, too. Amazing memories were made. Great moments were lived.
Of course, there were hard things. Unexpected things. Things that knocked you sideways and made you wonder if you were going to be okay. And maybe you're not exactly the person you imagined you'd be back in the bright, hopeful glow of January.
But that's okay. Truly.
When Expectations Don't Match Reality
The other day, I was so excited to witness a Mentos-and-Coke explosion with my grandkids. We set it up. We dropped the Mentos in. We waited. And... absolutely nothing happened. We stood there, watching, waiting for the magic that never came.
Sometimes life is like that. How often do our expectations actually match reality?
You show up with expectations. You do the work. You wait for the payoff. And sometimes? It just doesn't happen the way you thought it would. So you learn instead.
What to Do When Your Year Feels Like It Fell Short
How do I cope with unmet expectations?
As we head into these final days of the year, here's what I want you to know:
Your year was enough
Even if it didn't look like you thought it would.
Even if:
- Some of the plans fell through
- The goals didn't stick
- You spent more time surviving than thriving
- Things didn't turn out the way you imagined
- You're not where you thought you'd be
Your year was still enough. You are still enough.
The hard parts don't cancel out the good parts
Can a year be both hard and good?
Yes. And most years are.
Just because things were difficult doesn't mean the whole year was a waste. Just because you struggled doesn't mean you didn't also experience joy.
Both things can be true:
- It was a hard year AND there were beautiful moments
- You didn't meet your goals AND you still grew
- Things didn't go as planned AND you're still okay
- You're disappointed AND grateful
Life isn't binary. Most years are a messy mix of both.
Do Yourself a Favor
You might feel negative, a little cynical even, as you scroll through your IG feed and see perfect end-of-year Reels and carousels. But guess what—you have them too. Even if you don’t post them. There are some really great memories hiding out in your camera roll from this year.
Take a scroll through your camera roll and see for yourself. Your kids have gotten bigger. Your living room redesign. The recipes you nailed (and failed). Things have changed, evolved. You have grown. And that’s a win.
These little snapshots and glimpses are your life. They're beautiful. And they are absolutely worth holding onto. And your family will love looking at them.
Why Imperfect Memories Are Worth Keeping
Ten years from now, you won't remember that this year didn't go according to plan. You won't remember the goals you didn't hit or the expectations that fell short.
You'll remember:
- The morning your kid said something unexpectedly wise
- The hug that came at exactly the right moment
- The inside joke that got you through a hard day
These aren't Instagram moments. They're life moments. And they're the ones worth keeping.
Research shows that having printed photos around—even imperfect ones—increases feelings of connection and belonging. Your real life, documented honestly, matters more than your highlight reel.
Permission to Be Imperfect
It might not be easy to let go of perfection, but once you do, you’ll feel a lot lighter. Pinterest is Pinterest, and your real life is so much more than a beautifully curated photo.
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Other parents will tell it like it is. Were they patient? Did they know how to soothe a fussy baby? Was the experience easy and enjoyable? Bonus points if parents mention crying babies who magically calmed down in their hands!
Let it be imperfect
The home decor doesn’t have to be magazine-worthy.
The playroom can be a mess.
The family photos can be candid and chaotic.
It can all be imperfect and still be good. And maybe even better.
Don’t be so hard on yourself
The “perfect” you see online is staged. Curated. Planned. It’s not real. It might make a good picture, but it doesn’t always make a good life. You know what does make a good life? The mess of dishes after a family dinner and your kids’ shoes in the wrong spot. Your family enjoyed a meal together, and your kids are home safely. And that counts for something.
You don't have to have it all figured out ever, really.
What "Good Enough" Actually Looks Like
What if I just want to survive the end of the year?
That's okay too.
Good enough looks like:
- Getting through the day
- Showing up for the people you love
- Taking one photo, even if it's blurry
- Choosing rest over productivity
- Letting things be simple
- Eating leftover pizza for dinner
- Saying no to things that drain you
- Saying yes to things that refill you
Good enough is actually... really good.
The Expectations That Don't Serve You
Why do I put so much pressure on myself?
Somewhere along the way, we absorbed messages about how the year is "supposed" to be:
- Wrap everything up neatly
- Reflect meaningfully
- Set ambitious goals
- Make it all count
- Go out with a bang
- Have a plan for next year
But what if none of that resonates right now?
What if you're just tired? What if you just want to coast for now?
That's allowed.
How to Honor the Year You Actually Had
How do I reflect on a difficult year?
Instead of forcing gratitude or silver linings, try this:
Acknowledge what was hard
Don't skip over it. Don't minimize it. Just name it.
"This year was hard because..."
Naming it makes space for it. And that space is necessary.
Notice what was good
Not to cancel out the hard stuff, but to hold both truths.
"This year also had..."
The good doesn't erase the hard. The hard doesn't erase the good. Both exist.
Document what actually happened
Not what you wished happened. Not what you planned. What actually was.
A year that didn't go as planned is still a year worth remembering.
Let This Year Be What It Was
How do I make peace with unmet expectations?
Here's your permission slip:
Let this year be what it was, even if it wasn't what you hoped.
You don't have to:
- Redeem it
- Make sense of it
- Find the silver lining
- Be grateful for the hard parts
- Pretend it was better than it was
You can just let it be. Complicated. Messy. Both hard and good. Imperfect and still valuable.
Moving Forward Without Pressure
Do I need to set goals for next year?
Only if you want to.
You're allowed to:
- Not have a word of the year
- Skip the vision board
- Not set resolutions
- Just see what happens
- Take it one day at a time
- Start fresh whenever you're ready (not just January 1st)
There's no timeline for figuring things out. The pressure to "start the new year right" is arbitrary. You can start whenever you're ready. Or not start at all, and just keep going.
Let's keep trying. But let's also give ourselves permission to be human while we do.
Ready to honor your year?
- Make a Yearbook of your real 2025
- Use Monthbooks to print the imperfect, magical moments
- Create a photo book for the whole family
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