50 Funny Marriage Quotes 2023 - Inspirational Words On Love and Marriage

“Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.”

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Funny Marriage Quotes

"Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are." —Will Ferrell
“You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time... Husband!” —Bill Maher
"Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun." —Stephanie Ortiz
"Who won in life? Me. Because I got to marry you." —Chip Gaines
“One of the keys to a successful marriage is separate bathrooms. When he enters my bathroom sometimes I’m like, ‘Why are you in here?’ And he’s like, ‘I live here. Can I enjoy my bathroom too?’” —Michelle Obama
“I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed, too—for being married so many times.” —Elizabeth Taylor
“A man's main job is to protect his woman from her desire to ‘get bangs’ every other month." —Dax Shepard
"I married for love, but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored." —Cameron Esposito
“Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: you have to start over again every morning.” —H. Jackson Brown, Jr
“Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid his problems sound to you." —Megan Mullally
“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” —Rita Rudner
“Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.” —Benjamin Franklin
“Marriage is like trading in the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.” —Mae West
“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” —Dr. Seuss
“The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” —Ann Bancroft
“A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” —Ruth Bell Graham
“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” —Erma Bombeck
“Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.” —Joyce Brothers
“Love is a lot like a backache; It doesn’t show up on X-Rays, But you know it’s there.” —George Burns

Sweet Marriage Quotes

“Never marry the one you can live with, marry the one you cannot live without.” —Unknown
“If I know what love is, it is because of you.” —Hermann Hasse
“Who, being loved, is poor?” —Oscar Wilde
“To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.” —Mark Twain
“There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye-to-eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends.” —Homer
“Love is a friendship set to music.” —Joseph Campbell
“You don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear.” —Oscar Wilde
“Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” —Fred Rogers

Romantic Marriage Quotes

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.” —Khalil Gibran
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” —Mignon McLaughlin
“If I had a flower for every time I thought of you… I could walk through my garden forever.” —Alfred Tennyson
“When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” —When Harry Met Sally
“Marriage is like watching the color of leaves in the fall; ever changing and more stunningly beautiful with each passing day.” —Fawn Weaver
“To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow—this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.” —Elizabeth Gilbert
“If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.” —Miles Davis

Marriage Quotes About Commitment

“Don’t ever stop dating your wife and don’t ever stop flirting with your husband.” —Unknown
“Marriage stands the test of times when both you and your spouse work towards making things better. And we are tested the most when we face adversities. If you can sail through the adversities as one, as a team, then you have won half the battle.” —Unknown
“A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.” —Unknown
“Marriage, ultimately, is the practice of becoming passionate friends.” —Harville Hendrix
“The essence of marriage is companionship, and the woman you face across the coffee urn every morning for ninety-nine years must be both able to appreciate your jokes and to sympathize with your aspirations.” —Elbert Hubbard
“What greater thing is there for two human souls, than to feel that they are joined for life–to strength each other in all labor, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in silent unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting?” —George Eliot
“Your absence has not taught me to be alone, it merely has shown that when together we cast a single shadow on the wall.” —Doug Fetherling
“Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which sew people together through the years.” —Simone Signoret
“What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility.” —Leo Tolstoy
“A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love.” —Pearl S. Buck

Happy Marriage Quotes

“Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife.” —Franz Schubert
“A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.” —André Maurois
“There is no greater happiness for a man than approaching a door at the end of a day knowing someone on the other side of that door is waiting for the sound of his footsteps.” —Ronald Reagan
“Sensual pleasures have the fleeting brilliance of a comet; a happy marriage has the tranquility of a lovely sunset.” —Ann Landers
“The secret to a happy marriage is if you can be at peace with someone within four walls, if you are content because the one you love is near to you, either upstairs or downstairs, or in the same room, and you feel that warmth that you don’t find very often, then that is what love is all about.” —Bruce Forsyth
“Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry.” —Tom Mullen

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