42 Funny Wedding Vows to Laugh Between All the Happy Tears

“There’s an old Irish saying that goes, Cramagorrah Rowe Egonhah. Wait a minute. I might have accidentally cursed you. I am so sorry…"

"I vow not to carry on watching a Netflix series we started together without you. Or at least pretend it’s the first time I’ve watched it when we watch it again."

"I want us to grow old and crusty together, to shake our collective fists at teenagers, and to talk endlessly about the old days when things were better, cheaper, and generally more wholesome."

"I promise to take Instagram-worthy photos of you."

"I vow to stand by your side when the zombie apocalypse comes, and should you be turned into one, I promise to let you bite me, so I can too be one and, therefore, stay by your side forever."

"I promise not to force you to watch a Star Wars marathon."

"I promise to be your co-pilot, your navigator, and to bring snacks on our road trip through life."

"I vow to love you even as you scan through all those movies without picking one to actually watch."

"I vow to protect you from spiders as long as we both shall live."

"This ring is a symbol of how you’ve got me wrapped around your finger."

"Does this mean I have to stop referring to you by your last name?"

"I vow to nearly always notice when you’ve had a hair cut." 

"I promise to love you, honor you, but not obey because that’s a little creepy.”

"We look pretty good. What is it we’re all dressed up for?"

"You and I just work together — and I love how you always finish my...sentences...it's sentences."

"I take you to be my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, until death do we part, or you turn into a zombie. Because then we’re going to have to start seeing other people."

"This is a lot of pressure, huh, I better not blow this—I _____ take you...what’s your name again?"

"When I say ‘I do,’ I don’t mean the dishes."

"I vow to thrill you each day—to amaze and astonish you. Did I mention all the magic tricks I’m learning?"

"I vow to get a professional even though I really want to try to do it myself first."

"I promise to love you through Ikea, be it during the buying or assembly of furniture procured therein."

"I promise to turn on the air conditioning when you're hot—even if I'm totally freezing."

"I promise to always respect your choice of music in the car when you are driving. If you are not driving, however..."

"I promise to unclog the tub, even though you are the only one of us with long hair."

"I promise not to take the first sip of your drink before giving it to you."

"I promise to buy you takeout for dinner every night because I love you too much to allow you to fall victim to my cooking."

"I promise to love and honor during the offseason."

"I vow to love you even when you're old and still playing Xbox."

"I, take you, to be my awful wedded wife, to have and to scold, from this day fast-forward for better but not worse, for richer, sans poorer, forget sickness only in health, to loathe and to cherish, till suspicious death do we part."

"I promise not to watch the next episode without you."

"I love you, truly, madly, deeply... and I was thinking—maybe we should get married."

"Ditto."