I Only Call My Mom When I Need Something
Published 10/11/26
I picked up my phone last Tuesday to call my mom. Standard reason: I needed to know if she could watch my son on Thursday.
Somewhere between opening my contacts and hitting call, I had one of those thoughts that quietly ruins your afternoon.
When was the last time I called her without needing something?
I went through the recent tape. Can you watch him Thursday. What temperature do I bake this at. Did you keep my old thing. Is this rash normal. What was the name of that place we went that one time. Can you come early.
Every single one a request. Logistics. A help desk ticket to a woman who has never once charged me for the service.
Now here's her side of the tape. She calls me for no reason at all, constantly. She calls to tell me about a bird. She calls to say she saw something at the store that reminded me of her and she didn't buy it but she thought about it. She calls to ask if I'm eating. She calls on Sundays because it's Sunday.
She's checking on me. Always. Decades into this and still tracking whether I have a coat.
And nobody's doing that for her.
That's the part I keep chewing on. My mom is a whole person with a whole Tuesday. She has a coworker who's annoying her. She has a knee that's been bugging her since June that she hasn't mentioned because it doesn't seem interesting enough to lead with. She has news. Nobody calls to collect it.
She's just a girl. A girl who would like to chat.
So I tried it. I called her Wednesday for nothing.
It was awkward for about forty seconds. She answered with an alarmed "is everything okay?" because a call from me means something has happened. I said nothing happened, I just wanted to say hi.
Then she talked for twenty-six minutes.
The neighbor. A show she is emotionally invested in beyond all reason. The knee, eventually, after I asked twice. She had it all lined up and ready to go, like she'd been waiting for somebody to ask.
I didn't do anything. I called and let her put it somewhere.
So that's the small thing I'm doing now, and I'm telling you about it mostly because it's a little embarrassing that it took me this long to think of. Call her when you don't need anything. Not on a schedule, not as a project. Just occasionally dial with nothing in your hand.
Ask how her day was, and then stay on the phone long enough for a real answer, which takes about four minutes to surface because she'll spend the first three asking about you.
And if your mom isn't someone you can call, for whatever reason, and there are a lot of reasons, this works on whoever has been checking on you. Someone is. They'd love to hear from you when nothing's wrong.
It's a silly small thing. It also took twenty-six minutes and made her entire week, so.
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