There’s no better time than now to TREAT YO’SELF. What are you waiting for?! Oh, that’s right, you have hungry mouths to feed, you have a science fair project and a book report to do, and you’re plain dead tired giving everything you’ve got to keep your business and your family alive. There’s just not enough time in the day…
It can seem hard to find time for yourself but after sitting down with two experts, we learned just why it is so crucial to make time for self-care.
What’s the big deal?
Tiffany Roe is the founder and therapist of Mindful Counseling. She is one cool lady, and talking to her about your problems feels more like talking to your cool older sister than a counselor. Plus, she has experience in helping others with anything from eating disorders to anxiety and self-love. (She shares some super helpful tips for people dealing with some of these issues on her blog.) You could say she’s seen the whole gamut. And, she continues to maintain her sanity to boot! (It could be due to her daily doses of Will Smith’s music but who’s to say…)
In the words of Tiffany herself, “Self-care is crucial if we don’t want life to suck!” She says, “Taking time for ourselves leads to inner peace, sanity, and being able to care for all of the other people and duties in our lives.”
Self-care ≠ selfishness
Kayti Oldham is a beauty consultant and blogger who also is a strong advocate of the importance self-care (because she used to live without it!). After becoming a mom, Kayti soon realized her need for me-time. When she started taking time for herself (it all spurred with wearing some red lipstick) she began to feel good about herself again. From there, she started a beauty business as her personal outlet, and in turn, to help other women to take the time to do the same.
Photo courtesy of @Heather Mildenstein
“A lot of women believe they don’t deserve [time for themselves].” Kayti said. Whether that’s because they think they don’t have enough time or money to do something nice for themselves, Kayti believes this couldn’t be further from the truth.
She often relates self-care to the instructions given by the flight attendants on an airplane: in case of an emergency, put your oxygen mask on yourself before helping others. Kayti said, “While it does seem inherently selfish to take of yourself, to put on makeup, or to get dressed in the morning, if you can’t breathe, you can’t help the people around you. So really all it’s doing is allowing you to serve the people around you better.”
Where to Start?
Getting into a routine of taking time for yourself, takes, well, time! The biggest thing Kayti recommends is vocalizing your need for me-time to a partner or loved one. For her, (after admittedly a lot of tear fests with her husband) all it took was getting a babysitter periodically for her son so she could go to Costco by herself without having to lug a car seat around. This seemingly small thing, helped her feel like her own self again.
What Does Self-Care Look Like?
Truthfully, it looks different for everyone and there is not “right” way to do it.
For Kayti, it includes:
- Trying out new makeup
- Going to Target and looking at beauty products
- Spending time on her business
- Getting a manicure
- Jamming out to (her own) music… because kid music gets old real fast
- Going for a walk
For Tiffany, it includes:
- Dog snuggles
- Listening to pump up music
- Talking on the phone to loved ones
- Taking a long bath (bath bombs included)
- Getting her eyebrows done
- Catching a matinee movie
Self-care can come in many forms. Other ideas Tiffany suggests are:
- Taking 5 deep breaths
- Singing loud to your favorite song in the car
- Watching 30 Rock and laughing hard
- Getting a cherry limeaid from Sonic or a green smoothie from Jamba
- Blow drying and curling your hair
- Shaving your legs
- Anything that fills you up just a little bit more
Don’t forget mental health:
Self-care also includes maintaining positive mental health.This includes avoiding things like the comparison trap—you know what we mean, the “her [hair/kid/shirt/car/house] is sooo much better than mine” trap that we so often fall victim to. This in turn, leads to feelings of dissatisfaction, FOMO (the fear of missing out), or just general “I’m not enoughness,” Tiffany says. She recommends two simple steps to overcoming this:
- “Recognize that comparison is toxic.” Honestly, it leads to nowhere and is just plain destructive—especially when we often compare our weaknesses to another’s strengths.
- “Challenge the comparison with gratitude and compliments.” She says, “If you tend to compare yourself to a pretty neighbor with all the right shoes, try and shift the comparison to love; ‘Her shoe taste is great but it doesn’t mean anything about me. I’m going to let her know her Adidas are really cute.’ Then fill up with gratitude: ‘My taste in friends is rock solid and I’m grateful I’m following my budget right now. I’m good at reaching my goals.’”
Whatever you do, just make sure to cut yourself some slack and find time to recharge. So go ahead and treat yourself to that mani/pedi, eat some fro yo on the couch, and binge watch Stranger Things again. Because really, you’re doing it for your kids after all, right? 😉