Practical and Proven Ways to Lighten the Mental Load
"Having it all" can seem impossible. Here's how to (realistically) lighten your mental load.
In the last few years terms like mental load and invisible labor have started to give language to the previously unspoken but always-there loads women have traditionally carried in their families. These ideas and experiences being spoken about publicly is an important first step in eliminating shame and increasing resources—but there is still more work to do.
We checked in with you last month and the response was overwhelming. So many moms are feeling the crushing weight of all they are being asked to carry, and rather than that load being lifted through societal support—messaging of “having it all” and the expectations of perfection are only adding to the heaviness.
Here are just a few of the things real moms had to say:
“We have to stop telling mothers that they can have it all as a working mom or a stay-at-home mom. We are tired, we are overworked, and we carry the brunt of the household responsibilities"
“The invisible load of women in particular is demanding. We have so many roles, and very few of them are gratifying or paying."
"Some of us struggle with just the basics and it makes us as parents feel like failures when all the advertising out there makes us feel like we have to spend tons of money to make our kids happy."
"Trying to juggle it all. Working, the house, the schedules, the food, the kids, my marriage, friendships....it's all a lot and my days just feel like constant chaos trying to keep my head above water."
Does any of this sound familiar? They are not alone! You are not alone! The majority of responses shared this sentiment, and many even admitted to feeling gaslit when trying to voice their concerns and share their experiences. This isn’t a new problem, and this isn’t new information, but even though so many women are navigating this impossible pressure it is easy to feel alone—like you are the only one struggling or feeling like you are falling short.
These systemic and societal deficits can quickly become internalized evidence of not being enough, not being capable, and something being wrong with you.
We could not sit on this data without reflecting it back to you. What you are facing and carrying likely feels impossible not because there is something wrong with you, it feels impossible because it is!
Solutions being offered often have a common theme of messaging including things like simplify, or to just let things go—and while that’s not necessarily bad advice, it can ignore the cost involved in applying it. Your plate is likely full of good things! Things that matter, things that feel important, and many things that feel essential.
When it comes time to cut something out, the things that get removed are the fun ones, the creative ones, or the ones that bring you light and joy. You don’t want your child’s birthday to be fun and special because you are too much of a perfectionist, you want it to be nice because you care! You don’t want time to exercise each day because you are a diva, you want to take care of yourself!
You don’t have high standards because you’re trying to make things harder on yourself, you just want the best for the people you love most. Simplifying and letting something go often comes at the cost of things being the way you wanted or hoped—and there is bound to be some grief in accepting that. Toss in the social pressure of feeling like you are the only person having to settle? It can be a brutal combination.
While we don’t claim to have the solution for such a universally huge problem, our goal is to lighten your load any way we can. Here are a few real, practical, data-supported things we have seen actually work in moving the needle.
The mental load of being the memory keeper in your family is a big one. It’s easy to convince yourself you are never doing enough to help cultivate belonging and family culture. Picking a system, learning to use the system, and maintaining a system to preserve and share your family memories can quickly feel like too much! Let us do the heavy lifting.
With Monthbooks you will get a reminder to check in and create a book each month, and with the algorithm designed to help you pick your favorites fast and auto-formatting that makes putting it together a breeze, you can check off a month’s worth of memories in less time than it takes to grab a coffee (or do it while you enjoy the coffee—everybody wins!).
Creating a monthly habit will save you from decision fatigue and task paralysis that can set in when taking on a task as important as managing your memories. Where do you start!? What pictures do you pick!? Shut down kicks in quick. Keep it simple through subscribing. There are enough other things to lay awake at night worrying about, let us handle this one.
Oh, and 77% of subscribers agree that looking at their Chatbooks improves mental wellness for both themselves and their family. We promised practical and proven solutions, remember?
Social media and other cultural pressures can make it feel like if you aren’t taking an international family vacation once a quarter you aren’t giving your kids what they need to be happy—talk about stressful! In contrast, studies have shown that it is the small, everyday stuff that stacks up and matters most in our family relationships and children’s well-being.
Spending time looking at printed photos has shown to leave people feeling more happy, loved, grateful, connected, and fulfilled—even if it’s done spontaneously at home and not at an exotic beach resort. AND the impact is not diminished when the pictures are of real, everyday life. Oh, and that worry about family culture and belonging? We have that covered too! Most of life is spent doing seemingly small and mundane things, but when you choose to romanticize it, reflect on it, and reminisce together you start to see it for the magic it is!
Over 70% of Chatbooks users reported increased family connection through spending time looking at their printed photos together. That data doesn’t lie, but the social media feed you are scrolling through miiiiight?
Remember to ask yourself what matters most to you? What do you value most? This is a powerful starting point that can lay the foundation for what you choose to prioritize. Because the truth is, you can’t do it all, and you shouldn’t have to. Prioritizing the right things for your life is essential!
Did you know that you are programmed to have a negativity bias as a survival tactic? The reason you tend to see what needs to be done rather than enjoy what you have already accomplished is because you are hard wired to see and meet your children’s needs. Science! The downside of this is that you are always looking through the lens of what you are not doing, and it is blinding you to all the incredible stuff you are doing. It is time to start seeing the good that is there.
Photo books have shown to be helpful in this! Here are what a few moms had to say about regularly spending time with their printed photos.
“It reminds me I do more than I realize with my kids, which holds a lot of value to me in how good of a parent I am"
"Sometimes it feels like there are more meltdowns then smiles, but the books remind us of all the smiles"
'Makes me take a step back looking and realizing the memories my family's made each month instead of just moving forward and forgetting. It's made me more grateful."
How different would things feel if you went to bed each night replaying all the good from the day and thinking about the magically mundane moments instead of beating yourself up for all the things that didn’t get done? A few minutes spent with printed pictures of your life can make that a reality!
68% of parents agreed that looking at printed photos of their normal life helps them feel like better parents.
One thing is for sure, you are doing better than you think you are!
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