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How to Feel Like Yourself Again Postpartum as a First Time Mom
Published 1/20/26
I sobbed in the Target parking lot at 2 p.m. on a Wednesday because I forgot to pack an extra diaper (for me). That was week three postpartum, and I genuinely didn't recognize the person staring back at me in the rearview mirror: unwashed hair in a messy bun, spit-up on my shoulder, hollow eyes that looked like I'd been awake for three days straight (because I kind of had been).
I'm not going to sugarcoat it, having a child really blew up everything I knew. My daily routine, my relationships, the way I see my firstborn (my dog), the way I see myself—everything, just everything. It's a radical experience to say the least.
If you're struggling to recognize yourself in the mirror (or haven't looked in one for days, no judgment), you're not alone. As a first-time mom, I had no idea what to expect during the postpartum period—and to be fair, neither does anyone else, no matter what they tell you.
Here's what actually helped me navigate the newborn trenches and eventually fall in love with this new version of myself, eye bags and all.
In this post: (im not sure if we are able to but can we link each section here )
- Give Yourself Permission to Just Be
- Accept the Lack of Sleep and Move On
- You're Going to Actively Have to Work on Your Relationship
- Nap Time = Rot Time (Embrace Rest Without Guilt)
- Maximize the Little Things That Make You Feel Good
- Do Whatever You Want to, Whenever You're Ready
- When You're Ready, Set a Routine
- This May Sound Nuts Right Now, But Try to Enjoy It
- Love This New Version of Yourself
Give Yourself Permission to Just Be
Can’t stomach the idea of cooking? Order takeout. Haven’t left the house in a week? Fine. Don’t remember the last time you washed your hair? Also fine.
You just went through one of the biggest physical and emotional transformations a human can experience. The world will keep spinning if your Christmas decorations are still up in February.
This is what postpartum self-care actually looks like, not bubble baths and face masks, but letting yourself focus on your baby without guilt. Drink water. Breathe. Soak in the newborn cuddles when you can.
One day, you’ll miss this version of time, probably when your toddler’s favorite hobby is throwing important objects into the toilet (toddlers are feral and not chill at all). So let yourself be disheveled, a little undone. Existing and keeping a brand-new human alive is enough.
Make Peace with the Lack of Sleep
Once I stopped fighting the exhaustion and accepted it as temporary, I felt weirdly better. You already know you won’t be sleeping much, making peace with that reality helps more than running yourself ragged and tracking every hour.
True story: one night, my husband grabbed a phone charger instead of a bottle and tried to plug it into our baby’s mouth. That was our sign to start working in shifts so each of us could get some uninterrupted sleep.
Don’t fall into the trap of comparing sleep totals or keeping score. It only adds stress. Accepting that I’d be exhausted for a while actually made me feel stronger. And yes, it does get better. I promise.
Your Relationship Will Need Intentional Work
Here’s the truth: it’s not effortless anymore. You literally have to ask each other for permission to shower. There’s always a baby crying, a dog barking, a microwave beeping. The quirks you once found charming may suddenly feel..a lot less charming.
You’re both tired. When two exhausted people communicate poorly, things get tense fast.
Clear communication matters more than ever. Instead of snapping and walking away, try naming what you need:
“I was up all night and I’m tapped out. Can I take ten minutes alone?”
Also: Alone time is not selfish! It’s necessary. For me, it’s a stroll through a thrift store and a nap. For my partner, it’s an hour of uninterrupted gaming. Recharge however that looks for you.
And if you get the chance for a date night, take it. Connection doesn’t happen by accident anymore; it takes effort.
Nap Time = Rot Time (Embrace Rest Without Guilt)
I found that taking the pressure off having to get as many things done as possible during naps helped tremendously. It gave me some me-time back into my day. If I wanted to get something done, I would, but mostly I would scroll, snack, or even nap myself.
This postpartum rest is not lazy—it's necessary. Your body is healing, your mind is adjusting, and you're running on fumes. Productive doesn't always mean checking things off a list. Sometimes it means preserving your sanity. The laundry can wait. According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, rest and recovery should be a priority in the postpartum period, so consider nap time your doctor's orders.
Maximize the Little Things That Make You Feel Good
Start reclaiming yourself in small ways, whether that’s getting your nails done monthly, prioritizing skincare in the morning, or having a collection of "fancy" lounge clothes instead of your go-to well-worn sweats. These things can give you the little boost of dopamine you desperately need.
You’re still you, even if you’re someone’s mom now. I found joy in weird little projects like color-coding our bookshelf. Totally unnecessary. Completely grounding.
Small dopamine hits add up. They remind you that you’re more than a caretaker.
Move on YOUR Timeline
Let's talk about something nobody says out loud: the pressure to "bounce back" is exhausting and completely unrealistic. Your six-week "all clear" appointment is not your green light. You give yourself your own green light.
For me, it was around the one-year mark. For you, it could be around the two-year mark. Society has all these arbitrary timelines for when you should look a certain way, return to your old hobbies, or start exercising again. Ignore them. Your body, your timeline.
You have to want the change. You have to want to do whatever it is you're going to do. Don't do it because you feel guilty not doing it or because Tik Tok moms are doing it. Do it because it would genuinely make you feel better. That's when you know you're ready.
Fun fact that made me feel better: Flamingo mothers lose their beautiful pink color after having babies because they give so much of their nutrients to their chicks. But when the mother is ready to nourish herself again, that vibrant pink returns. So go get that pink back, girlie! (when you’re ready, of course)
When You're Ready, Set a Loose Routine
When the smoke starts to clear from the newborn trenches and you're feeling like you maybe kind of(??) know what you're doing, it might be time to start a morning routine.
It doesn't even have to be a full routine, but I learned that having my mornings somewhat structured set me up for an at least semi-successful and productive day. Even if it wasn't perfect, I felt like I'd at least gotten something done for myself.
Creating a postpartum routine doesn't mean perfection—it just means having a loose framework that gives your days some predictability.
For me it looked like this: we're up, we're both dressed, we take a morning stroll around the neighborhood, he naps, I do a ten-second tidy, and I get in some intentional movement with a YouTube workout video or a jog on the treadmill. That's pretty much it. Nothing fancy.
Try (When You Can) to Enjoy It
It's true what they say: it does go by fast. In between moments of 3 a.m. night feeds and diaper blowouts, your kid is growing and you're doing it, you're keeping them alive!
I didn't realize how big my kid had gotten until I looked through my photo books from just a few months earlier and saw this tiny potato-looking newborn who had somehow transformed into an actual little person. It's bittersweet, but also pretty amazing.
A Few Things That Genuinely Helped Me Survive (And Eventually Thrive)
Quick note: These are just my personal recommendations—not sponsored, just things that made my life easier.
Whatever helps you get through this phase—whether that's meal delivery services, clothing rental subscriptions, asking your mom to bring groceries, hiring a postpartum doula, or yes, ordering pizza three nights in a row—use it. There's no prize for doing this on hard mode.
For me, having a clothing rental subscription meant I didn't stress about buying clothes for a body that was constantly changing. Meal kits took the mental load off dinnertime. Photo book apps helped me capture the tiny moments I knew I'd forget.
Find your version of support and lean into it hard, no regrets.
When to Reach Out for Help
Here's something important: if you're feeling more than just tired—if you're feeling hopeless, detached from your baby, having scary intrusive thoughts, or feeling like you can't do this, please reach out to your doctor or a mental health professional.
Postpartum depression and anxiety are incredibly common (affecting 1 in 7 new moms), and they're not your fault. You deserve support, and getting help doesn't make you weak, it makes you brave.
Love This New Version of Yourself
I don't want to give you the ick with some corny-sounding "you go mama" type of affirmations, but it's true, you are changed—physically, mentally, emotionally. That doesn’t mean you’re lost.
You’ve learned how strong you are. How resilient. How much love you carry. Even if you're lounging at home with your fluffy slippers on, haven't showered in three days, and just ate cheese straight from the package over the sink (just me?).
You really did that. You're doing it right now. And someday, probably sooner than you think, you'll look back at this version of yourself, the exhausted, overwhelmed, doing-her-absolute-best version with so much love and respect. Take some time to feel proud of this new version of yourself instead of wishing for the old one back.
You will feel like yourself again. But for now, give this version of yourself some love too, because she's doing something extraordinary.
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