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Phones Are Terrible for Teens… Right? So Why Are We All Giving In Anyway?
Published 2/15/26
Millennial parents might seem a little insufferable to you, but cut us some slack.
We have only ever known life in unprecedented times. That means we are also parenting in unprecedented times.
And no, maybe we are not special. Every generation has had to figure out how to raise kids in
a world different from the one they grew up in. But the world is moving faster and faster,
and the generational gap feels wider than ever. Especially when it comes to the great smartphone debate.
For a long time, I clung tightly to the “never ever give them a phone” camp. That felt like the safest choice, right? And I love my kids, so shouldn’t I choose the safest option?
Everywhere you look, you are bombarded with articles, studies, and expert opinions all saying the same thing. Phones are terrible for kids. Dangerous. Just say no.
When I started researching this article, I genuinely tried to find positive data about kids and phones. Honestly, there is not much out there. People are aligned. Phones are bad. Even anecdotally, watching friends and siblings with older kids navigate teens and phones gave me plenty to be nervous about. There is even the widely repeated rumor that the creators of Apple, Google, and other tech companies do not give their own kids access to the products they built.
So that is it. No phones. I attended D.A.R.E. every week in elementary school. I know how to just say no.
Except it is not actually that simple.
As my kids entered junior high and now high school, the no phone stance became harder to maintain. Our culture has shifted. Phones are expected, and in some cases almost required. Schools started needing them for quizzes, schedules, communication, and grades, while also banning them. Which honestly feels like proof that we are all conflicted and confused.
And then there was the mental and logistical load. When my kids did not have phones, I became the middleman for everything. Messages, updates, logistics, reminders. Was it possible? Kind of. Was it breaking me? Absolutely.
I put it off as long as I could. We tried watches instead of phones. Kid smart phones instead of iPhones. Every workaround I could think of. I held on tight.
Eventually though, I caved. And something unexpected happened.
It went well.
Truly, I love my kids having phones. Is it a lot to manage screen time, limits, and restrictions? Yes. Have we had bumps along the way? Of course. But there has also been a lot of good. And while the data might not be there yet, and maybe I am naive, I am tired of seeing hot takes telling me I am destroying my children when I also live in a world that requires them to be on them.
So if you are feeling the crushing guilt of having made this impossible choice too, I want to talk about the perks. Because there are plenty.
What helped set us up
We do not give phones as birthday or holiday gifts, because they do not own them. We do. Framing it this way makes rules and restrictions feel clear and fair.
We use a service called Bark to monitor messages, apps, music, and usage. It gives us insight without constantly invading their privacy. Can you imagine if your parents read every note you passed in school?
We use Apple’s family monitoring tools.
Our kids do not have social media or games on their phones.
Phones stay in the main areas of the house. No bathrooms, bedrooms, or basement.
Why I actually love my teens having phones
As a mom who works and travels for work, my teen FaceTiming me in the morning to talk through outfits, hair, and the day ahead means everything. I get to be there for moments I would otherwise miss.
Location tracking calms my anxiety. Knowing where they are at all times gives me peace.
Sharing funny pictures, memes, and random thoughts throughout the day keeps us connected. As kids get older, we naturally see them less. That ongoing thread of conversation matters.
They have a camera to document their lives. Older kids live full lives outside of us, and I love seeing their camera rolls from their perspective. I even got each of them a Chatbooks subscription so they get a book of their month. They look forward to it, and so do I.
The sibling group text has been a game changer. Their relationships with each other have improved now that they can communicate without their dad and me in the thread. My dream is that my kids are friends as adults, and this feels like a step toward that.
It gives them a safe social exit. One code word to me and I can bail them out of any situation they do not want to be in. As an introvert, I would have loved this.
They are learning time management and independence. They manage schedules, practices, and plans themselves now. Hallelujah.
And it gives us space to teach digital communication skills. Text etiquette matters. Not ghosting, not spamming, knowing what is appropriate. These are real skills they get to practice while still living at home.
Taking social initiative. It takes courage and practice planning, inviting, and carrying out plans. Their phones help them learn these skills.
I know there are dangers. That is why I waited so long. Part of me still wishes we lived in a world where none of this was necessary. Even though my job relies on phones and social media, I still dream about disconnecting sometimes.
But if you are like me, torn between what you are told is best and what the world requires, it might help to consider that things can go better than you expect. Like most things, there are two sides. And the perks really are meaningful.
I am tired of being told I am harming my kids by giving them phones, while living in a world that demands they have them.
At Chatbooks, we believe deeply in the power of printed photos. We have data to support it. Physical photos are good for the brain, the soul, and our relationships. But we have also seen how our teens taking photos, sharing them digitally, and turning them into books has made us feel more connected to each other.
In a world full of disconnect and unprecedented times, that feels like a win worth holding onto.